Nicknames: Oji! Hisoka, Hiiro.
Gender: Guess
Age: Eighteen
Birthday: October 31st
Height: 5' 3
Weight: 80 something lbs
Eye Color: Blue
Hair: Naturally blonde, It was green, but now only the tips are u.u
Favorite Color: Black, Silver, Green, and Dark blues.
Least Favorite Color: Yellow, and Pink ~*puke* ~
Favorite Food: Sushi, Chow mein, x.x; stuff.
Least Favorite Food: Uhm... *thinks*
Hobbies: Drawing, Role-Playing, writing.
Most Memorable Moment: When I found out Kamui does have the same feelings for me as I do for him... *happy sigh* ^^.
Most Embarrassing Moment: I've had lots of those, but Probably when Kyle M. caught me by the neck with his arm, I tripped, hit my head and passed out in the hallway at school. Fun times.
Saddest Moment: u.u Too many.

Facts: I Have been writing a lot of songs lately. Not that I think they're any good or anything like that. It's one of my ways to vent. Write them out in songs.

I've created a few original characters. My all time Favorite is Aki Kisame, But I havn't been writing much Wisp of Silver. I've been focusing on Dark Rayne, with my Characters Yuki Akari, and Chase Wolf. I've been thinking of writing a whole series on Just Haru Rouse. Yuki Akari's little brother. I need a bit more of an Ego boost to write that. u.u

Right now, I'm in Love. Kamui has stolen my heart, but he can keep it ^^ Till the end of time. My only wish right now, is to be in his arms.

Dreams: Basicly... To be with Kamui forever.. That's the big dream. Doesn't matter where I am, as long As I'm with him
Stuff: I want... To live with Kamui *That's a givin*, "The Magic Bullet!!" best mixing thing ever, Star Frit pans *they are so cool!* steaming baskets.. and other cooking stuffs
Friends: Kamui, Tar, Naruto, Kakaman, Sora-kun.

Random thing : かむい わ 私 の 天使



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nicknames: crow thats it really ^_^
gender: male
age: 17
birthday: february 2nd
height: 6"0'
eyes: with contacts black without contacts brown
hair: black and long
likes: music, guitar, my laptop
dislikes: loud noises, smoking and gemma
favourite colour:green
least favourite colour: anything flourescent
favourite food: eggs
least favourite food: any meat
bad habits: nail biting
favourite book: junk by Melvin Burgess
favourite film: requiem for a dream or city of god
saddest moment: breaking up with Gemma, my mum dying, terri umm yeh...
makes me sad: read pet peeves
favourite people: Joe, Ash, Col, Yuki, Hayden, kamui
May 6, 2004
Floating away

Shit, I havn't updated this in a while. X_x; Dang, we should update it more. Nothing really is new though. Same old, same old. Constant worry about friends, being paranoid. My mother left for courtez today. So, I'm home alone.. with Dee & Daryl. Quite fun. I was ordered to clean the house, but It's kind've hard do do that with Daryl's millions of friends over. Gawd their annoying. Gawd! I typed Gawd! The heck is wrong with me today. I've been typing all weird X x; I'm insane... Going insane anyways.

I had an odd dream lastnight. I went to New Hampshire and visited my friend Ang, That was awesome. Forrest didn't really want me there and was all bitchy towards me & Ang. Twas great. -nods- I need to get writing again. I've been having trouble though. I can't get a freaking word down, x x; I've been neglecting updateing my Journals and stuff too. That's pretty bad x X; I usually update regularly. Lately my mind has been somewhere else though. I need to draw as well... sounds like a plan... I will later.

That's it for now. Talk to you all... Haha. No one reads this... ^ ^! Talk to ... NO ONE Later

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

  well its been a while. Quite a lots gone on. Major stuff: EL left me. slr broke up. Ryan beat me up again. I'm living with candie. Just recently things havent been going so good but hopefully things will start to get better soon. I've been saying and doing a lot of things i regret jsut recently. I'm over emotional and stuff. So to everyone i've upset i didnt mean it and i'm really sorry.

I got a visit from el and bek earlier. Basically come to bury the hatchet so to speak. Bek told me she was willing to be friends if i dropped my grudge. I told her i didnt have a grudge and she looked genuinely shocked. I detect the work of Gemma again. I cant be bothered with her any more. shes just pathetic.

  Our little secret is all i need. As long as she feels the same i'll get through anything

Mood : Blah-hah!
Mood : deep in thought (is there a face for that?)

Song of the moment : Vanishing by A perfect circle
Song of the moment: this song brought to you by a falling bomb

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 03:51 pm
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Apr 17, 2004
White butterflies

Well, nothing much to say really. I've been worried sick about Tar, but, I can't help that. I worry about everyone, Kamui, Hayden, Tar, Everyone X_X; I can't help it and it bugs the hell out of me. These dreams are getting worse, and worse, and there's nothing I can do about them. I should try to meditate again, that seemed to help. I havn't done it in about a month though X_X; totally screwed up my system. I can't take these dreams anymore, they're driving me insane. X_________X;

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

been an odd few days. Hiding out at Oli's has completely disrupted my routine. I've done nothing except think and talk to Yuki on msn. Shes been my saviour through this all. Its all over now and i'm back at home but El isnt with me -sigh- shes still with Bek. I havent spoken to her for so long now...i'm worried.

My whole body is basically in pain. Ryan beat the shit through me and if Oli hadnt showed up he probably would've killed me. The only thing keeping me going is our little secret. Its all thats giving me hope.

Mood : -sigh-
Mood : ; ;

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 06:27 pm
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Apr 12, 2004
Our secret

-sighs happily- I'm feeling good today, I have since Saturday. Even though I was crying, I was happy.
Nothing else to write really. I wrote a few songs. I really like the one I wrote called "Our Secret". It's the best I've written in a while. -smiles and blushes a bit- I'm so happy.. I can't explain it... Just.. one of those feelings. Happiest I've been in a long, Long time.

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

For the first time since i last took junk i have no worries. I am completely happy. A secret i've been hiding since last summer is no longer a secret. The only slight worry is about candie but right now shes asleep on my sofa.

I am the happiest i have ever been in my life and its all down to you. You know who you are i dont need to say -holds you close and kisses you lovingly-. I havent felt this happy ever. I stayed awake until 7 am to watch the sunrise and i started writing. Nothing proper just a couple of lines but its better than nothing. Went a gig tonight. I was so high on emotion it was great me and Oli were slam dancing. He got fined 」50 for damages XD

Mood : XD
Mood : <3 XD <3

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 05:29 pm
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Apr 10, 2004
The tears make you beautiful.

Today has been a very emotional day. Lastnight, I broke down and cried twice. Once, with Tar, and another time with Hayden. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried for a few hours. I could barely get any sleep, but I finally fell asleep around seven in the morning. I woke up and Eleven. Danita was still here unfortunatly.

She left around Three thrity, to my relief. I get a week away from her, thank "God". -sighs- The epiphany I had lastnight, has been bugging me a lot. I know what it is, and Yet, I don't know what it is.. Does that make any sence to you?

I'm crying at the moment... Getting the dang Keyboard all wet. Trying to sort that out, and a whole bunch of other things. I can't stop thinking about Tez, Jenn, Jere, Adam, Chantel, and Marty. Those six wont leave my mind.

Tar, I love you, You're my best friend. I'm always here for you, no matter what.

~...~...~ ...~...~  ~...~...~ ...~...~

The Gig...

Backstage was a disaster. I mean nearly everyone was crying their eyes out and who was it sorting everything out and comforting people so they were in a fit state to play? me and through it all i didnt shed a single tear. I wanted to but i didnt. El took me aside and told me i didnt have to do this but i did. I knew i did. all through the sabotage left set i played normally and very well but nothing special. The same with the straylight run set up until we played beautiful. As soon as i played the first note i broke down onstage and burst into tears. i played and sang the whole song and rest of the set down on my knees tears streaming down my face and i played with so much emotion i swear "beautiful" got all the audience close to tears.

Thank you Yuki thank you so much for letting us use that song to honour Terri. I loved her so much and that song expressed it perfectly.

After the gig we all went back to Oli's house for a party type thing. Everyone was asking me how i was and i kept telling them i was fine until El came up and asked. I didnt even say i word i just looked into her beautiful tear stained face and began to cry so hard it hurt. We spent the rest of the time together alone upstairs most of the time not even talking just sitting and hugging and kissing. I love her more than words can express. Joe handled the upset by getting very very drunk and got a lot of people upset and angry. I'm worried about him.

Yuki and El i love you both so much but in very different ways. I need you two more than anything. Thank you for always being there for me

Mood : T T
Mood : ; ;

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 06:10 pm
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Apr 9, 2004
The Tension and The Terror

I've had an epiphany. Though, I won't state it here. I won't bore you all with that. My day had been rather... Blah today. I spent the night at Amber's house. Stayed up most of the night playing Final Fantasy Chronicals on her Gamecube. Quite an entertaining game, I must say. I need to some how get the cash for it... Man, if only money would fall from the sky... or Barb's dream would come true. She had a dream that my mother won $100,000 dollars. That'd keep us going for a while.

I miss Kamui, but I know, he's busy. These damned emotions keep messing with me. I know exactly how I feel, but I just can't say it. Why must these things be so confusing? I just don't understand that. I don't know what's wrong with me, nor Can I explain it. -sighs- Well, yeah, I'm going to leave you all with that.

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

today has been a very strange day. I got hardly any sleep again because of that damn dream again ><. Got woken up at 7 by Candie phoning to tell me that Ryan hadnt been back all night and she was worried. I could have told her where he was without even knowing. GEMMA'S. But i couldnt. I care about her to much to upset her. I ended up talking to her for 2 1/2 hours which made me late for band practice. Oli was ok with it though.

After a long tiring practice i walked home and found a letter saying that Joe had called a sudden practice. After that i was so exhausted and full of emotions i just broke down on the floor and cried. These last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life and i just couldnt cope. Between El and Yuki's comfort and words i'm ok now. Without those two i dont know where i'd be. its the T.M. gig tomorrow so hopefully i'll be able to spill some emotions through playing.

Mood : - -;
Mood : - -;

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 05:50 pm
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Apr 7, 2004

-sighs- I miss Kamui so much. He's been ignoring me more and more. I get more attention from Kiba then him -sigh- Not much to update really. My heart is slowly breaking, I feel sick. I had one shit assed sleep lastnight. I stayed up till four thirty in the morning talking to Kiba, crawled in bed, then layed there for a few hours cause of Danita's Damned snoring. I need a break from her. I hate this. I just want some time alone, by myself. Just a few days. Well, thursday or friday. I'm hoping thursday. I'm tempted to call Mark (Her dad) Myself. -sighs- Just to get her out of here.

I need my space back. I have no space here. I can't even write with people here. I had a hard enough time writing the last four songs cause Danita was sleeping on the bed. I barely even talk anymore. -sighs-

I need a Break.

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

todays been a really crap day. I only got 3 hours sleep and that was interupted by the dream i've been having about terri. I miss her so much i dont know what it is about today but i cant stop thinking about her.

Also unless i find some way to get Bek to pay this bill then i'm gonna have to stop doing my volunteer work and get a job. Its looking more and more likely at the moment.

If it wasnt for El and Yuki i wouldnt have got through this.I owe you two more than my life is worth.

song dedications
promnight: El
tension and terror : terri
slow descent - Yuki

I care about you three more than anyone in the world.

Mood : T_x;
Mood : X X

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 03:13 pm
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Apr 6, 2004

Today hasn't been so good. I'm getting more depressed/angry by the second. I don't know what's wrong with me. -sighs- I was on my friends forum thinger today, Stupid Naru, anyways. Yuyu was making a mess of Sayumi's room/topic thing, so I got mad and "Lit him of fire" so the Admin (Naru) warned ME! Yuyu was the one being an ass, and posting Sayumi's real name on the forum. Which is against the stupid Rules. Got me angry, Sayumi is like my little sister, -sigh-

Well, I've had a bad day. Month... Year... Man, I'm so Angst. Stupid Angst. Happy note... There is no happy thing about this day. I might have to go back babysitting soon, If Corey calls. Ayden was so Cranky. - -; He was fine when Alaina was home. and Faith, she was just annoying, thank god I didn't have to babysit her. She's two and ANNOYING! ><# I hate children most of the time, especially when I've had a bad day. like today. - -;

~...~...~...~...~  ~...~...~...~...~

today has been ok. nothing special. most of my times been taken up practicing beautiful by Yuki to get it ready to play at the terri memorial gig next week at which a load of local bands are playing to raise money to get a really nice memorial for her. BOTH straylight run and sabotage left are playing so i'm gonna be very tired. I still have the issue of her funeral to pay for as well.

On a happier note things with me and El have never been better. I love her so much. If i had to give my life to someone to look after i'd give it to her. *eternally in yuki's debt for this* now if only i could find some way to get yuki to California instantly...

Mood : T_-;
Mood : ^ ^

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 11:37 pm
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Apr 4, 2004
A Slow Descent

Today has been shitty. I woke up crying, I cried most of the day. Parents didn't even care. -sigh- the Normal for around here. I ended up going to Alaina's and Babysitting Ayden for most of the day. Well, A lot of the day. from... 11-6 then from 7-8:30. Was quite fun. I would've been there till around ten, but Corey came home with Zachery. So, It was all good.

Will the heart break not end?

I wrote three more songs as well. I think they're really good. Kind've depressing though. Kakashi- sensei liked them, and Kamui liked them too, though when he read "You'll never know." all he could say was "T T" to that. I should start writing some more. - nods- I might do that sometime soon...

~...~...~...~ ...~  ~...~...~...~... ~

just got back from the funeral and i'm still crying. it feels like i'm not gonna stop. i nearly got chucked out the second i turned up but Bek let me in. Me, EL, Ash and a couple of other people all read things. El couldnt get to the end of hers she was crying so much. Ash normallywouldnt let himself cry in front of people he has to much pride but today he was crying as hard as everyone else. I stood up and read my bit first and was the first to start crying but i carried on reading. I must have hugged half the people there. The only people not crying were my brother and his two friends. After the funeral they tried to start a fight and i was to upset to even do anything back. Luckily Oli and Ash saw so i'm ok. That has got to be one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. Earlier i found an old picture of me, el, tez, gemma, lee and bek. It made me realise at the time those 4 where my best friends and i've lost all of them except El. I'm never gonna let her go.

"I can't cry this pain away"

Mood : u.u
Mood : T T

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 09:22 pm
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Apr 3, 2004

-sigh- I hate this, I have no space. I need it back, I have to share everything, I need NEED a break. My only break is going to Alaina's. I might do that soon, I don't really want to be around Danita much. I'm getting sick of her, and Fast.-sigh- well, anywho. I should go before she comes back. Someone, Get me out of here... Kamui? T T

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i had a 6 hour band practice followed by an hours set. the gig was absolutely fantastic yuki's songs give our set some varitation. We opened with fade away sung by El thanks again Yuki for letting us use your lyrics. My fingers are bleeding from playing the guitar so much. On a less happy note its Terri's funeral tomorrow. I've decided that i'm gonna attend and i'm gonna read a bit as well. I'm not gonna post it because its something really personal and i know it'll upset me if i do. Tez i'll never forget you. i'll always love you and remember everything you did for me

Mood : T_<#
Mood : ;;

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 01:26 pm
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Apr 1, 2004

Today's update won't be a happy one. I've become, to me, Overly emotional, and something someone wrote, really, really got me upset. I'm sorry I'm so emotional, I'll try to 'Cut the crap' as you put it. I'm sorry, but that Tez thing really hit me hard. After Marty took his own life, I've had trouble hiding my emotions. That really hurt me, alot. I've held in a lot since Jere died, I've held in almost everything, and I've been trying to let it all out and stop myself from caving in. I feel that I'm almost to the end of my rope and I'm about to just.. crack.

On a bit of a happy note, I've written more songs, sort've. I'm writing one for Sora, which I call "Draped in Darkness" It's a song about Iyada. Since I love it so much. I'll try to start writing Dark Rayne, and Wisp of silver soon. I've had tonnes of Ideas for them, and I have yet to write them out in full. I'm considering using Aiern if CountZero will let me, But I don't know if he'll agree to it. I hope he will. Aiern is a great character, from what I know about him.

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still very hyper from the gig i've just played. at the moment i'm feeling pretty happy with life. i'd be completely happy with life if
A. gemma would shrivel up and turn green ^ ^
B. i could find the guy who *mumbles* terri ><

stray light run have a gig on saturday and we'll be playing two new songs, fade away and i need you. both written by Yuki.
since we've heard gemma will be at this gig me and Joe have planned to play a song written by me for my old band tbs. its the last song i wrote about gemma after yuki showed me what kind of person she really was and when she hears it she'll go mad *evil laugh*

Had a really good day today. woke up really early after my first good nights sleep since i cant remember when so i went outside and watched the sun come up and had a good think. ALso Oli FINALLY asked me to become sabotage lefts official guitarist after spending 3 years filling in for whoever was the current guitarist XD.

Mood : ;_X
Mood : ^_^

Violet-eyes and Tar finally found time to post this at 03:40 pm
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~..~ Yuki and Tar, Best friends till the end of time ~..~